whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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