I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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