so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
