I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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