I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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