It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You need a sexual gate keeper
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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