oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
