I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
