Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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