Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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