My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
