Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
