So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
