lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
