Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
