I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
