i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
