I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
