you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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