I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
