I think I won the penis lottery.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
