no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
