ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he shaved USA in his pubs
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
