just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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