you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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