life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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