you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
