Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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