So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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