It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize