So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
