Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
