Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
