You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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