Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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