He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
