still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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