I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize