and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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