and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
