Life is so much better after having sex.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
