I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
