My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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