sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
