I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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