im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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