Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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