dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
