And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Houston, we have a squirter
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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