I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
