I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
They have beer where we have blood.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
