didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Four minutes until I can fart!
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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