I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
