I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I have fence marks all over my body
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
