Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
