Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize