hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
