Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
