I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
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