my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
