I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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