her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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