After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
