If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
