Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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