dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Randomize
