is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
