It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
