I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize